Making the "Other," "Us" | Congregational Resource Guide

Making the "Other," "Us"

By Laura Truax

As originally submitted to Congregational Resource Guide on October 27, 2010 at 8:59 pm

I remember the day clearly.

I had gotten up extra early that Sunday morning. The “close” on the sermon wasn’t working too well and I needed to tighten up some transitions; I was hosting a young adult dinner that night and needed to get the laundry out of the living room; And it was our community’s monthly potluck lunch. By 8:00 AM, I had my contribution simmering in the slow cooker and dropped it off in the church kitchen on my way to preach our early service.

I was exhausted when I reached that potluck – like most pastors I was the last one to leave the sanctuary and almost the last to arrive at our lunch. The serving table held nothing but a few crackers and lettuce leaves.

But glancing around the crowded room I saw tables full of our homeless congregants with two full plates of food in front of them -- a veritable feast.

I felt my cheeks flush with anger and my stomach start to tighten.

****

Five years earlier our church had begun a ministry that was largely for folks “out there.” Those who were hungry and homeless in downtown Chicago. We had a thriving program with family style served meals, live music, weekly medical check ups. The warmth and love everyone felt from our Breaking Bread ministry gave our guests hope that they would be welcomed and embraced in worship on Sunday morning as well.

And they were embraced and loved. But at a distance. The guys sometimes smelled, so others didn’t want to sit too close. Some of our new attendees liked carrying their “stuff” with them. Everywhere. This became a problem in our crowded services. We would try and accommodate that - even though it meant a live person may not have a place to sit because of the “stuff.”

We said we loved. We said we were in relationship with each other. But really we were tolerating.. Our lives weren’t really open to one another. Instead we were playing stock roles in a well known play: we were providing resources and they (“the other”) were taking them. We had a long way to go before we began to model the kind of true hospitality Christine Pohl talks about in her book, Making Room.

As I stood that morning in fellowship hall I realized that being in relationship with others asks something of each party. To live in love means that you are both giving and receiving. I realized in the moment that I had a responsibility to these men – whom I love – and they have a responsibility to me. “Much is required” from both of us. I am blessed to have a kitchen and have the responsibility of providing food; they are blessed to be able to save some for me – to hold off on having seconds until all of their other brothers and sisters have had a share as well.

It sounds basic. But it was transformational. Over the months and years that have followed our relationships started to change. Our worship services were less about charity to and more about being with. We started to treat each others as equals – as family. And we slowly began to better understand the real meaning of being friends with those who are often on the sidelines – the kind of friendship my friend Christopher Heuertz models so well and discusses in a recent interview at Duke Divinity school: Gradually we are taking steps to change -- together. And in doing so became more like the family Jesus was calling into existence.